The News You Can Use….For Nothing Useful

“Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead.  The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.”  ~Bob Seger

In case you missed it, here’s a run down of last week’s, probably not top news stories, but at the very least, the news stories that won’t give you a migraine, or make your blood boil.


Brad Pitt Needs to Step It Up

Seriously

It’s rumored that Brad Pitt is dating architect and designer, Neri Oxman, who, among her bajillion accomplishments, is an MIT professor with a PhD in Design Computation.

Meanwhile, Angelina Jolie, Pitts ex-wife, is busy saving the world and flying around in an airplane she pilots herself.

Brad is….?

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Meghan Markle Has The Worst Family Ever

The family of Royal Bride-To-Be, Meghan Markle, continues to embarrass America with their desperate attempts at obtaining some relevancy off the designer clad coat-tails of Markle.

This past week, it was Meghan’s half-brother, Thomas Markle, Jr., who took aim at his half-sister, who he spent every other weekend with, between the years of 2009 and 2011, SEVEN YEARS AGO.

According to Thomas Jr., Meghan is a ‘phony’ who has ‘torn his family apart.”

It’s unclear though how Juniors 2017 arrest on weapons-related charges, following a domestic dispute with his girlfriend, might have impacted his family though.

He’s just a guy, who, along with his big-mouthed sister, Samantha Grant, just REALLY want to be at that wedding.

He’s now suggested that the Queen and Prince Charles should step in and ‘splain’ how things are done.

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Walmart Sells More Blue Jeans Than Anyone?

Also, Walmart is testing a new dress code for associates in a small sampling of stores to see if the more relaxed policy might help to attract and retain workers.

The employees participating in the pilot program will now be allowed to wear a shirt of any solid color and jeans are permissible, so long as they are a solid blue color.

Welcome to 2018, Walmart.


The World is Going to End on April 23rd

According to David Meade, a Christian Numerologist….

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The world is going to end on April 23rd.  TOMORROW

Apparently, the sun, moon and Jupiter, which supposedly represents the Messiah, will be in Virgo.

Meade points to the Biblical passage of Revelation 12:1-2 which says, according to one version of it, anyway, “A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth.” 

No idea how and why giving birth is synonymous with the snuffing out of the world, but I was also too busy getting ready for the sun to come up tomorrow and for Monday to be just another Monday, to do any further research.


Disclaimer:  I may (definitely) have paraphrased and might have (probably) editorialized a bit (a lot).