“I am 32 flavors and then some” ~Ani DiFranco

Hi, I’m Jamie.

In November 2017, I was Lay’d off from my corporate job where I had worked, eh….long enough.

Now, I’m just a woman, sitting in front of my computer, wearing my favorite Golden Girls t-shirt, trying to make strangers on the internet like me.

If you’re thinking about falling in love with me, here are some things you should know:

I’m thirty’ish forty-ish.

I’m married to a guy who is a total Clark Griswold in all the best ways.

I’m the mom of an amazing little boy.  He is all the most wonderful things.

I’m a step-mom to two awesome bonus kids who constantly challenge me to love outside the box.

I’m a cancer survivor, which means I can pretty much say whatever I want.

Post lay-off, I started a small business….ask me how you can lose 10 pounds in 5 minutes….just kidding.  I don’t know.  Explosive diarrhea, maybe?

Most of the time, I feel like a turd in a punch bowl.

I consider people watching a legitimate hobby.  Essentially, I’m like a stalker, but with better intentions.

I’m an introvert.  But, please don’t let this discourage you from inviting me to your parties.  I would like an invitation, I just don’t want to come.

People who liter are people I want to punch in the throat.

I have zero regard for the rules of grammar.

I believe everything you need to know about life, you can learn from a children’s book.

I suck at Twitter

I run out of gas and have to call AAA at least once a month.

I don’t always wash my hands after I go to the bathroom.  Now I do.

I am NOT a team player.

I hate small talk.

I still haven’t finished my son’s baby book.  And he’s six eight.

Sometimes I hide in the bathroom and watch Netflix and tell my son I’m pooping.

I never return phone calls….or answer the phone.

I never listen to voicemails.

I judge people who don’t use reusable shopping bags.

I always take my sneakers off first and then untie them.

I can never find my keys.  NEVER.

Some days I think I have it all together….other days, I get stuck in my sports bra.

I have no idea what I’m doing….


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