“I am 32 flavors and then some” ~Ani DiFranco
Hi, I’m Jamie.
In November 2017, I was Lay’d off from my corporate job where I had worked, eh….long enough.
Now, I’m just a woman, sitting in front of my computer, wearing my favorite Golden Girls t-shirt, trying to make strangers on the internet like me.
If you’re thinking about falling in love with me, here are some things you should know:
I’m married to a guy who is a total Clark Griswold in all the best ways.
I’m the mom of an amazing little boy. He is all the most wonderful things.
I’m a step-mom to two awesome bonus kids who constantly challenge me to love outside the box.
I’m a cancer survivor, which means I can pretty much say whatever I want.
Post lay-off, I started a small business….ask me how you can lose 10 pounds in 5 minutes….just kidding. I don’t know. Explosive diarrhea, maybe?
Most of the time, I feel like a turd in a punch bowl.
I consider people watching a legitimate hobby. Essentially, I’m like a stalker, but with better intentions.
I’m an introvert. But, please don’t let this discourage you from inviting me to your parties. I would like an invitation, I just don’t want to come.
People who liter are people I want to punch in the throat.
I have zero regard for the rules of grammar.
I believe everything you need to know about life, you can learn from a children’s book.
I suck at Twitter
I run out of gas and have to call AAA at least once a month.
I don’t always wash my hands after I go to the bathroom.
I am NOT a team player.
I hate small talk.
I still haven’t finished my son’s baby book. And he’s six.
Sometimes I hide in the bathroom and watch Netflix and tell my son I’m pooping.
I never return phone calls….or answer the phone.
I never listen to voicemails.
I judge people who don’t use reusable shopping bags.
I always take my sneakers off first and then untie them.
I can never find my keys. NEVER.
Some days I think I have it all together….other days, I get stuck in my sports bra.
I have no idea what I’m doing….