The News You Can Use….For Nothing Useful

“Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead.  The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.”  ~Bob Seger

In case you missed it, here’s a run down of last week’s, probably not top news stories, but at the very least, the news stories that won’t make you want to build a bomb shelter in your background, or homeschool your kids.

Elin Nordegren (AKA Tiger Woods’ ex) is selling her revenge house

If you’re in the market for a Florida mansion with 11-bedrooms, 18-bathrooms, two-kitchens, a roof deck, indoor theater, below-ground gym, custom wine cellar, outdoor swimming pool, twirling water slide, fire pit, basketball/pickleball court, a putting green (I feel like the putting green was a subtle f-you), a cabana house with its own kitchen, bar, and billiards table, two-guest apartments and 200 feet of direct frontage on the Atlantic Ocean….Elin Nordegren is unloading hers for $49.5 million.

I wonder if she actually used all 18 of those bathrooms in the time she lived in that house.  I bet she didn’t.

Geoffrey the Giraffe, the official mascot of Toys R Us, is out of a job

Probably thanks to Amazon and Facebook and Donald Trump, because everything is their fault, Toys R Us is going out of business.

Geoffrey the Giraffe is probably going to be euthanized….because Toys R Us and it’s companion stores can’t even afford to honor gift cards and loyalty rewards….let alone feed a giraffe.

Also, in what can’t possibly be purely coincidental, the founder of Toys R Us, Charles Lazarus, died one week after the company announced it was closing its doors.  Way to go Walmart.

Ben Affleck’s tattoo artist hates him



Justin Bieber is the worst

The worst Saturday Night Live guest host, according to SNL alums Bill Hader and Jay Pharaoh.

The Biebs showed up to the taping with a huge entourage of servants who fed him pizza and Diet Coke, because I guess he was too exhausted to do those things for himself.

Because acting like a butt-hole all the time is really hard work.

Disclaimer:  I may (definitely) have paraphrased and might have (probably) editorialized a bit (a lot).


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s